Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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