What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
