He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
