Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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