I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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