the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
