You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
