Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
please come you make the beer taste better
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
