god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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