I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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