I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
