I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize