i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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