if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize