Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
