my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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