When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
