is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
