I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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