areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
