Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
