NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
