im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
