i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The feeling are messing with the penis
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
