do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
