ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Are we still banned from the library?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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