Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
