OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
