i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
