weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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