I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
