Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
please come you make the beer taste better
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
