meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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