ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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