OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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