not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
