so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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