My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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