Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
