i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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