What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
