I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
