just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I deserve this hangover.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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