I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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