...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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