Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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