Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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