Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
