We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
