Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
