How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
