Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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