I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize