I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize
