his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
