Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
