I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
She announced her abortion via fbk
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
