That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
