please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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