I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize