Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize