im drinking this country out of the recession.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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