Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
