Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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