Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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