Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
