He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
this boner is exhausting
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
