Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
