I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
