We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
