Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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