Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
