Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
