mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
