I feel like I'm in dance class right now
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
