I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
