I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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