I don't remember. Are we still dating?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
