Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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