She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
