He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
