I accidentally burped into my bong.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
