her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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