yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I think I am morally bankrupt
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
