Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Reggie can tackle my bush.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
