Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
