Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
