The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We smell like vodka and hangover
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