Betty ford says i'm here all night
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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