Whatcha textin bout Willis?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
