i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
