How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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