Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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