Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
