Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize