so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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