u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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