My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
