Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
