You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
