Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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